A Penny Dreadful

Happy New Year

2012-01-04T16:17:00.004-05:00

Because 2010 and 2011 Both OWNED MY ASS!

Volunteers being accepted...

2011-11-01T15:25:00.003-05:00

My co-worker is obsessed with Vybz Kartel.

And not in a "OMG he is like sooooo hot!" kind of way (actually imagining my co-worker even saying that is funnier than this post will likely be)

If you're saying "Who the hell is Vybz Kartel?" well you're not alone. Until about two weeks ago I too was blissfully ignorant of his very existance.

Vybz Kartel is a Jamaican dancehall artiste' (and if you dont know what dancehall is, google it)
I could tell you about his many children by different momma's, or the multiple counts of murder he's facing (so many that each week when he goes to a bail hearing, they have to postpone it until next weeks NEW murder charges are filed)

But what is really got the bee buzzing in her bonnet is that Vybz Kartel is apparently bleaching his skin with soap.
Blue soap...well blue soap is what he is admitting to, but come the hell on. If soap were all it took to bleach your skin why the hell isn't everyone slowly getting paler? I mean one would reason, the more baths you take the lighter you would get so all these little old white men scuttling about playing shuffleboard really used to be Djaimon Hounsou?
Umm we're calling bullshit. bull to the shit.

He's taking pills. And he looks like deep fried crap that's covered in ashes...so I suppose we can add ridiculously oblivious to the list (or maybe he's a vampire and CANT see his reflection and therefor cant see how stupid he looks)

But what she really wants is to find someone black as night to start taking these things for us so we can chart the difference.
FINDING a real live human being that we know who is
1. blue black
2. willing to take these pills
3. Willing to PAY for the pills (hey we're interested by we arent funding this experiment)
4. willing to let us study him like a chia pet while he's taking the pills..
Well it's not proving so easy.

I being on the whiter shade of pale am not much help.
She, while black apparently isnt aquainted with anyone black enough who is willing to bleach themselves for our amusement/enjoyment/lets pretend it's an education (gee I wonder why?)

Nontheless...she is obsessed. So I get to listen to Dancehall music and look at pictures of his zombi-fied self throughout the day.

Ohhhhh yeaahhhh...so how have you been spending the year and half we've been apart?

Ok, so not so soon

2010-06-28T15:48:00.002-05:00

Ugh. How is it life just manages to run away on me?

The wedding is in twelve weeks! How the hell did that happen?

Chris and I went to the gym yesterday, and I am thrilled to report I made it 15 friggin minutes on the Elliptical on Random without puking.
WIN!

My arms are stiff as hell today though, so I've been doing some periodic stretching during the day.

Hope everyone is doing fantastic..!

I know I suck.

2010-05-18T09:15:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry.
Between the horror of Brishell's Murder, the einsuing media storm, funeral and trying to help my friend gather the shreds of her life back together I have neglected you all.
Fear not I shall return soon.

Rage Against the Machine..

2010-04-01T10:06:00.007-05:00

That woman laying on the ground grieving for the loss of her sixteen year old daughter is my friend and co-worker Nardyne Jefferies. That was the photo on the front page of the Washington Post. The crushing grief of the knowledge her child was shot and was most likely dead.

Does it hurt to see someone I literally spend almost eight hours a day, five days a week ten feet from plastered on the front page of the newspaper? Hell yes.

I'm still to numb and angry to say much more. But god I am sick of journalists.

2009-10-08T12:34:00.003-05:00

A bunch of my teammates and I went to a bar after our soccer game the other.

It's a sportsbar, which is not my normal hang out (who the hell am I kidding? I have a two year old, the ball pit at IKEA is my normal hang out these days)

There was an airhockey table. And those who know me, know I love me some air hockey.

(the bruised knuckles from getting dinged with the puck, no so much)

A couple of firefighters (apparently this is also a local hangout for the firefighters..huh wonder why CA suggested it?) came over to chat us up.

-This never fails to amaze me. Men just dig chicks in soccer gear.

Anyway, one particular thick necked individual decided he would challenge me, and he even wagered money!! Now I'm not a betting person. But give me a sure thing? And I'm in.

So after I won twenty bucks and debated whether Varlamov or Theodore would be the starting goaltender for the Caps.

He said "You're the kind of girl my Dad told me I should marry"

I smiled and said "Thanks but I'm already engaged"

The tentative date is September 25.

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his closet?

2009-08-07T07:47:00.002-05:00

(title nicked with much admiration to Andra)

Yesterday the much adored director John Hughes died.

I spent most of my formative years watching his movies.

His movies have stood the test of time of being relatable and most importantly quotable.

Everyone at one time of their life or another has been - the jock, the princess, the geek, the troublemaker or the freak...and we have John Hughes to thank for making all of them cool.

Patriotic show of snark

2009-07-04T19:37:00.003-05:00

Happy Forth of July!

I hope you are all out celebrating our independence from the opressive tyrannical rule of Great Britain.

Woot woot.

Is it unpatriotic that I ate Maltesers?

(yumm)

Fate that Fickle Bitch

2009-06-25T15:01:00.002-05:00

So it would appear that fate that fickle bitch is not done with me yet.

A strange lump appeared on my neck a month..ish back.

Went to Dr...and the Dr said.

"Looks like nothing but let's run some blood work just for fun!"

Results.."It's just a fatty cyst/tumor"

BUT...apparently my kidney function blood test (GFR..look it up) wasn't wonderful..

Went to my Nephrologist who ran bigger and better tests (and I've still got the bruising to show it)

Yes ladies and germs it would appear I have CKD....Chronic Kidney Disease..Stage III

Moderate Kidney Damage.

Well I can't say I'm surprised. I knew that having Spud would damage my kidney's more.

Pewp.

I'm ok really, good days and bad days dealing with the knowledge I have a CHRONIC ILLNESS.

but mostly...when my life is really grim..I'm funnier... in that morbid, clear the room kind of way.

So my blog posts should improve..or at the frequency should.

But to end on an up note...My rich nutter neighbor offered the use of her timeshare condo at the local tacky beach Ocean City!!

So my family and I shall be partaking of the mullety goodness this weekend.

I'll make sure and take lots of eyeball searing photos.. :-)

No idea.

2009-05-13T08:31:00.002-05:00

I have no idea what I was going to post here. I saved a completely blank spot for no reason.

Weird huh?

From then to now...

2009-05-11T08:43:00.001-05:00

So it's been (looking at calendar) 3 months since I last posted (I've actually started about a dozen, but never finished them and now they're no longer timely).

So lets see...highlights and lowlights.

1. The wee V is now 5'10 and puberty seems to be in remission (or at least the attitude does)

2. Spud..is a whirling dervish of destruction. He has two modes..GO FAST..and sleep.

3. Mr. Dreadful and I are still renovating the old money pit..I mean house.

4. I'm still playing soccer (miraculous I know..I'm sure the ol' knees will buckle any day now)

5. I have my first actual real wrinkle, it's between my eyes on my forehead, perhaps from squinting? Mr. Dreadful say's most likely it's from giving stupid people the "stink eye".
My Mom has it too..so I suspect he may be right.

6. I have embraced technology to the extent that I have both an iPod touch, a fussy digital SLR camera..AND..a Kindle.
How cool am I? Pretty damn cool..but now I obsess about people breaking into my house to
steal all my snappy new electronic gadgets.

7. I recently had a very dear friend from my misspent youth die. And it sucks, because the world was just a better place with him it (funnier for sure at least)

7. Ummm..thats it.... I guess doing an overview makes my life seem less interesting that a daily/weekly sorta posting does.

I shall endeavor to work on that!

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all my lovely mom type friends.

-P.D

Inkheart

2009-01-27T14:48:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was a teacher workday for my Vinner (well today is as well, but his grandmother was lovely enough to volunteer to stay home today so I dont exhaust my leave)

So yesterday we decided to go see a movie.

After loading up on snacks at World Market (much better candy, and much less expensive) we decided on Inkheart, based on the book of the same name.

Vincent is teeter-tottering on puberty, meaning almost all the physical signs of maturity are present, but the rest of the mental and emotional stuff is still iffy depending on how the wind blows a particular day.

However, this post is not about the challenges of my darling first born randomly turning into a snide, sarcastic little shit at the drop of a hat, then swiftly back to my sweet child. FEAR NOT!

The movie was wonderful, I haven't enjoyed a movie that much in ages. Mind you it's been ages since I last went to a movie (10.75 for a small popcorn and a medium coke though really is absurd!) but I had such a wonderful time, and my Vincent was a true joy to be around, sweet, funny, and just plain cool.

Yeah for being his mom :-)

Moving on up!

2009-01-14T09:13:00.004-05:00

The construction on the addition is complete.

FINALLY..I mean effing finally. (new year, gotta curb the cursing)

Moved the beds up Saturday, and have slowly been moving the rest of the stuff up since then.

It's nice for Spud to finally have his own room, even if it's over two feet smaller than blue printed, I have no idea what we're going to do when he outgrows the crib, because a twin bed will be a tight squeeze indeed..but will deal with that when it comes.

I have lots and lots of windows now..and french doors from our bedroom leading out to the back porch.

Woot.

Embarrassing confession

2009-01-08T16:57:00.003-05:00

Red velvet cake cookies.

Simply the most divine things ever.

Except when you eat too many, and it changes the color of your pee.

Seriously, I almost had a heart attack on the hopper the other day.

I thought I was hemmoraging. But no, I was just stupid.

This is gonna be one hell of a year I can tell already.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2009-01-06T10:51:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I'm late. But hey at least it's still January..

Gone to seed

2008-12-11T10:53:00.004-05:00

I finally got around to getting my hair cut on Monday. 8 1/2 inches off. People in the salon were gasping like it was some big deal, like I was making some sort of life statement by cutting my hair.

I was just tired of long hair, perhaps I'm finally getting old, but having hair almost down to my waist was just too high maintenance, so I ended up doing nothing with it, I would twist back into a bun at the nape of my neck, stab it with a hairstick or two and about half way through the day I'd unwrap it shake it out...and retwist it up (my hair was so flippin heavy I felt like I had a blanket attached to my scalp) At night I would just braid it.

Anyway so I FINALLY got around to cutting it. Which meant suddenly I had to buy a hairdryer..I havent used one in over two years so god only knows where mine is.

The reactions I've gotten have given see to the idea that after having my darling little spudderkins, I let myself "go to seed".

Growing up sucks.

Social Networking...?

2008-12-09T11:48:00.004-05:00

So I caved to the pressure of the masses and joined Facebook.

And YEAH!!! reconnected with some of my bestie friends from my scholarly years. And whoa, I have some seriously hot friends now...

Booooo! Had dude from high school put the icky facebook moves on me.

Really dude..just yuck..__ years later, and I've got kids and am practically married (without that whole being married bit) and you're trying to score a hookup on FACEBOOK???

But yeah! I ran into fun friends and got "Flair"

Halloweener

2008-10-28T18:52:00.003-05:00

Halloween is creepy-ing up on us.

Have you got your costume picked out?

I am thinking maybe I shave an arrow into my head and go as "Avatar: The Last Airbender"

or maybe not.

Hey, why not?

2008-07-22T14:21:00.004-05:00

That's what the wrapper on my piece of Dove Promises chocolate (the caramel one) asked me today at lunch.

And I thought, huh..good question.

So, think of something you really want to accomplish but haven't....be it small or large.

And ask yourself "Hey, why not?"

:-)

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

2008-07-21T14:21:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the political upheaval postings..But if my government would please stop trying to screw us in the ass, Perhaps I could go back to posting stuff that makes me laugh.

This does not make me laugh

HHS Moves to Define Contraception as Abortion

In memory of the fourth amendment....

2008-07-18T12:18:00.003-05:00

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist; And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist; And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew; And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up."

America, do you have any idea what your government is doing? Do you care?

Well?

The sky is falling..the sky is falling

2008-05-30T08:52:00.002-05:00

Further evidence the world is ending.

the_end_of_the_world_as_we_know_it

Smart Bitches, Trashy Books...

2008-04-18T08:40:00.005-05:00

My grandmother used to tell me that it didn't matter what I read, as long as I read something.

So I used to spend my summers reading trashy romance novels in her garden (or as she affectionately called them "bodice rippers"

Somehow I dont think Gramma had this in mind... teh_buttsecks

As different as night and day

2008-04-15T10:39:00.003-05:00

Already at only 5 months my darling little spud his showing his personality.

And it is amazing to me how different my two children are (though it bugs Mr. Dreadful to no end that they look indentical at this age, if one were to put a picture of The WeeV and Spud at 5 months next to each other, it would appear as two photo's of same child)

V as a child was a cuddler, he loved nothing more than taking a snooze face down on Mommy.

We used to while away more than a few afternoons with him happily snoozing and drooling on me.

Spud will have none of that, he'll nap sitting on my lap, but he must be face out, toward the world. Meeting it face on even in sleep.

Both are happy children, one more cautious the other more stubborn.

Back on the field again.

2008-04-15T10:09:00.004-05:00

So a few weeks ago I stepped back out on to the pitch...Ahh the sweet smell of artificial turf, how I missed you.

Now those of you who are regular readers (ok the maybe two or three of you that are occassional readers) know that I have played the sport of the gods ...aka..soccer...aka..football

FOREVER (30 years) ...as my knees can attest.

But for the first time in that forever I started to run that first night back and...didn't go anywhere with any sort of accelleration.

My pregnancy, two month incarceration in hospital, and the follow month(s) which have added up to a year off the field have made me old..and very slow.

I felt like my legs were made of lead (because my arse clearly was) and I was dragging a U-Haul uphill.

My mind was racing down the field, however my body was still lagging far far behind.

So I went home and cried. Because I was too fat, slow and old to play soccer anymore.

And being a soccer player is a part of who I am.

I know I just need to accentuate the positive and all that other rah rah nonsense.

Bugger

To the Unknown Land

2008-03-25T12:35:00.007-05:00

It’s a terrible thing when you can’t enjoy something that should be the most wonderful time in your life..your pregnancy and the birth of your child.

Beginning with the tempered joy of discovering the pregnancy,

Endless tests for both you and the child that is growing beneath your heart.

Passing one milestone, breathing a bit easier..only to be confronted by another possible problem.

You try to share it with your partner, after all it is his child as well, but deep inside you realize, nobody else really gets it. This fearful joy that you feel each morning as you wake, and each night as you lay down, silently thanking God for a day without issue.
And selfishly begging for another…and another.
The feeling of your child moving and growing within you giving you reason to believe in happy endings.

And when that day comes when something does go wrong, when that test does come giving you one more thing you must deal with, one more decision you must make you do what you can to keep yourself glued together.

Telling yourself that it will be all worth it, that you will have a child in the end, you may have to fight like hell, but you will hold your baby in your arms and in a couple of years this will all be just a crappy memory that you share with this child.

You hope. Even though life has taught you differently, you hope.

One day on a whim you buy something for the baby, knowing it’s probably a bad idea.
And then one day you find yourself with more and more “baby stuff” and slowing you convince yourself this will be ok. It has to be.

But what do you do when it’s not?

When you end up in the hospital very sick and to save your life, you give birth to this tiny being that is way too fragile for this harsh world. A child that a grown man can hold in the palm of his hand.

They talk to you of statistics and averages and worst case scenarios, but you look at this tiny being, your child and you cannot help but feel the stirring of that old feeling…Hope.

That your child will beat those odds. That your child will survive and you will bring her home and hold her in your arms and love her like only you can.

You will do ANYTHING to make that happen, you would give everything you own for that.

You spend hours sitting by your child’s side, you can’t touch her yet, but you know she can hear you, so you talk, about anything, sometimes you read to her.
And you are back holding your breath with every day that passes, only now your child is not growing within you, but battling for every moment, hour and day in the hospital.

But when all your begging and pleading and bargaining falls on deaf ears…how do you go on? When your child that you carried for twenty five weeks and six days, who struggled and fought for thirteen days finally surrenders the battle and dies, how do you face the world again?

How will you make sense of that loss? What words will comfort you?

This world is a harsh place. Do not take your blessings for granted.

If you have children, hug them often. Tell them you love them no less than twice a day.
Go home tonight and just hold them and thank whatever god you pray to for this day.

Because my coworker, and my friend would give anything to be in your shoes.

Instead today she is picking out a casket and making burial arrangements for her daughter.

Annabelle: born-08 March, 2008 died- 21 March, 2008.

May God Bless You All.

Well Shit.

2008-03-10T11:59:00.005-05:00

Whilst I was in the hospital baking spud, K. a co-worker and friend announced that she too was pregnant, due in early June.

She had a very tumultous first pregnancy about 10 years ago (something having to do with restricted blood flow to her uterus) so much like I, the joy of impending motherhood was tempered by unease at the possible return of the same issue.

When at approx 18 weeks it was discovered she did NOT have that problem with this pregnancy much happiness and joy abounded...her daughter while small seemed to be doing just fine.

Then a few weeks ago, her blood pressure started climbing. Suspecting stress and perhaps early pre-eclampsia, her doctor reduced her working schedule to half/every other day and told her to rest.

Last week, her pressure was alarmingly high, and several tests caused the doctors to hospitalize her..the goal was to get her to March 23, at which time she would be 26 weeks..and then hopefully extend it another two weeks..with the ultimate goal being 30 weeks.

Unfortunately, Saturday morning K, started vomiting..and vomiting and vomiting bile.

And then her liver started to shut down so, she had to have her baby.

Annabelle-

25 weeks and 6 days...

12 oz.

9 1/2 inches long.

Barely longer than an adult hand.

My heart just weeps for her, because I've been there. Seeing that incredibly tiny human laboring for every breath (and mine.the wee-V at 4lbs6oz was a veritable giant compared to Annabelle)

K can't pick her up yet, because she's still too fragile to touch.

But you just sit and talk, knowing that your voice calms them (and you can see that from the monitors beeping above) but also knowing that you may have to hold on to these memories forever if something goes wrong. And you just want to jam as many as possible into your head.

I'm praying so hard I'm getting hemmorhoids..

Frozen felicitations...

2008-02-22T13:47:00.004-05:00

We got an ice storm last night. Just enough to inconvenience me, and make my pilgrimage to my place of enslavement precarious (because of course it is all about me in my world) the wee-V got a pass on school (closed), and my co-worker's didn't come in..(blurg)
Spud is at his babysitters being cuddled and coddled by the Belgian.

I am sooo leaving early today...

Todays mean thing..

2008-02-20T16:41:00.006-05:00

I loathe Tom Cruise.
REALLY.
I think he is just the biggest asshole in the history of assholes.
I simply cannot fathom how anyone can stand him.
He's a ridiculously narcissistic pompous short man with all sorts of issues.
I wish he would go away.

And what the hell happened to Katie Holmes when she married him?
Now she is just as annoying, and entirely too vapid for words.

I now loathe her as well.

and I am not alone: evidence more_evidence

My three children...

2008-02-19T10:42:00.004-05:00

My darling first born...the wee-V....My sweet baby..spud.......And my breast pump

I have a love hate relationship with the latter.

Since I have been forced to return to work, I have enjoyed (not) multiple daily appointments with the breast pump.

Ameda..Purely yours..double pump.

We meet covertly in the file room (after locking the door, hanging up the "go away" sign outside, and covering the big window next to the door)
I loathe this process daily, and look at it akin to thrice daily trips to the dentists office.
The discomfort not withstanding, I find it near to impossible to relax. Which is necessary to stimulate letdown. Every slight sound I hear I am sure I am either inconveniencing someone or someone is going to try to barge in (yes I know I lock the door, I'm paranoid like that) so I'm nervous as a wren which means I only get the most pitiful drops (which I covet nonetheless)

So why dont I just stop? Excellent question.

The one I admit to and champion? Because it is the best thing for my little spud, he is gorgeous and healthy and I know to a certain extent it is because of my dedication to nursing him and providing him with breastmilk.

The other less championed reason? Because I would feel like a failure if I stopped.
I feel like a crappy mother for even complaining about this, because it is such a small sacrifice for the well being of my child. There are women who travel miles to just get clean water for their family and I'm whinging about 20 minutes three times a day? I should be ashamed of myself for my self indulgence.

But I just cannot psyche myself for this task daily at work..I live for the weekends more so now, so that I can leisurely nurse or pump or whatever is the comfort and privacy of my home.

I tell you.....This being a mom stuff is a slippery slope of self flagellation.

Happy day after commercial holiday

2008-02-15T17:34:00.002-05:00

Happy day after Valentines day!
I hope your sweeties gave you everything you deserve.
In true form of how my life has been limping along lately, Mr Dreadful and I spent the evening on "concussion watch" for the wee V.
He had a collision with a hard surface (the monkey bars and then the blacktop) at school and knocked himself wonky, so we had to wake him up every two hours as to ensure that he wasn't concussed (he was not..is not)

But after being properly fussed over by Mom he is doing fine and back to school today.

On to other news...we have found a childcare provider for spud, a lovely Belguim'n woman in my neighborhood. She is ever so wonderful and she adores spud (who really is quite adorable currently)

My "plague" turned out to be pneumonia...but I'm recovered now.

I hate to say all is ok now...for fear the other boot will drop on my head, or kick me in the bum.

Anywho, I'm off home to enjoy my long holiday weekend.

peas,
PD

I said 'when'..did you not hear me say 'when'?

2008-02-07T14:52:00.000-05:00

"When you have had enough, just say when".

When.

The cold my darling spud had last week, turned out to be something worse.

RSV (Respitory Syncytial Virus)

While it is basically a really bad cold for adults.(Which Mr. Dreadful had..and I now have)

But can be quite dangerous for infants under 3 months...which spud is.

Friday evening I returned home from work to a very lethargic, unresponsive, funky breathing and "un-spudlike" spud.

So I played paranoid parent and called the pediatricians office (which now charges a 10 dollar after hours fee for the doctor on call to ring you!)

The doctor who returned my call suggested I take spud to the ER at the local hospital. I grumbled under my breath, Friday nights at the local ER are nightmarish... mostly because the poor souls without medical insurance are guaranteed care if they show up in the ER....but ever the paranoid parent, I went..sure that he would get some antibiotics and be sent on his way home to be cuddled by mom.

Momma was wrong...I stood, terrified tears running down my face in the corner of a room in the ER (thats a good indicator that you know you're actually sick here..if you get a ROOM, not a curtained area) while I heard words whispered like "very sick baby" "CT scan" and the most fear inducing "spinal tap"
The doctors asked a slew of questions "Had he recently had a fall?" "When did you notice these symptoms?" and various others I tried my best to answer...to each person repeating 'He was just at the pediatrician yesterday, and they said he was fine!' as if to prove I was not a neglectful parent.

By this time there were no less than 10 people in the room, at least half of them trying to find a vein on my child so they could start a line.

Mr. Dreadful was attempting to attend to both me and the wee-V who was out in the waiting room waiting for my mom to pick him up, so he missed most of the drama.

Finally after the diagnosis of RSV comes back, and they arrange to transport him up the PICU, (no CT scan or Spinal tap necessar) they let me close enough to lean over next to him and talk to him and touch him (tears and such falling on him) I looked down at the floor and realized I am standing in a little splatter puddle of his blood...

The nurse told me we had gotten him there just in time, that we most likely would have been facing a ambulance ride or worse if we had waited.

He spent that night and half of Saturday in the PICU (in isolation since RSV is very contageous)
and then was transferred to the Pediatrics wing, and finally discharged Monday afternoon..

He has nebulizer treatments 4 times a day right now, and cannot return to daycare.
So I must now find either a nanny (yeah, sure I can afford that) or some sort of daycare provider who does not have a large number of other children.

But aside from a nagging cough and junky sounding wheeze occasionally, he's back to the old spud.

He smiled, and waved his limbs at me when I left for work this morning (finally forced to return after using up the leave I had acquired since my return in early January)

So naturally I am now sick since I havent slept in almost a full week (sleeping chair at the hospital is so not comfy, and every cough has me alert now) and am completely useless.

When.

The Snot Sucker

2008-01-31T15:41:00.000-05:00

Because I am not able to live the life of a stay at home Mom I have been forced to place my child in the second layer of Hades know more commonly as "daycare".

The first day I sat in the parking lot and cried for ten minutes. By the next week I had whittled it down to five.

Now I just sniffle my way to work.

So where my first darling angel..aka "the wee V" made it all the way to the ripe old age of one year old before getting any sort of illness...Spud has already been felled by a cold, passed on to him by the unwashed masses at the hellish establishment.

Now..while men have been known to be big babies when sick..they really can't compare to an actual infant..at least the big guys can blow their nose.

My little spud has not mastered this (in fact I have learned that most babies havent even mastered mouth breathing by two months) so the only thing Mom and Day can do to ease his discomfort is to drop saline nose drops into his nose and take the nasal aspirator to his little snoot in an attempt to clear his breathing a bit.

Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with the nasal aspirator, it also goes by the name of "bulb syringe" but in our house it is known as 'The Snot Sucker'
Which is exactly what it does, you squeeze the big bulbous end, stick the slender end in his little nostril and..."ssssssssnooorkk" out comes the snot.

Suffice it to say, Spud does not enjoy this process, he starts yammering at us when he see's it and hollers infant obscenities at us when we've finished evacuating his nose..ending with what we have affectionately begun to call "Giving us the stink eye" Which consists of peering at us hatefully from the slit of one eye as if he smelled something foul.

Fear not he has wraught his revenge already..Daddy is currently home having been felled by the mutated "daycare plague"..and I am drinking Emergen-C like vodka cocktails...in hopes that the itch at the back of my sinus' doesn't catch my immune system in a weak moment.
(because after all, I'm newly returned to work and thus have no sick leave banked)

Of course I still look like shiny like a newly polished Penny ;-)

These slippers are made for STOMPIN!

2008-01-31T15:32:00.001-05:00

Spud...is he not so cute you could just EAT him??

The long and winding road.

2007-12-12T19:20:00.000-05:00

My apologies my previous post left out all the lovely details of my winding road to incarceration, I shall catch you all up now.

As I may have mentioned, my pregnancy was a result of a "contraception malfunction"

I was on the pill. And yes I took it correctly, and at the same time every day, and no I was not on oral antibiotics. It just happened.

But anyway, there I was April Fools day barfing up my Caribou coffee..and I knew it to be true (though I required no less than SIX tests...each pink line getting progressively darker...literally up to the day I went to the doctor to confirm) I was pregnant.

Never mind that I am past that magic number of 35, past which the chances of things going wrong greatly increases...
Nor mind the fact that whilst I adore Mr Dreadful, and he me. ..we are not married....yet.

Lets focus in the real reason Penny should not be pregnant...Penny only has one full sized functioning kidney..
I've got two. Only the other one is quite small. (I'll spare you the long winded explanation for now) suffice it to say a birth defect and childhood illness resulted in a portion of my kidney being damaged, and my body just absorbed the damaged portion...leaving a mini kidney in its wake.

My first pregnancy was uneventful until the 32nd week when I developed PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) and was promptly hospitalized (and I mean promptly...like straight to the hospital from the OB visit) I was induced two weeks later, had a lovely little preemie weighing in at 4 lbs 7 oz...who after spending one month and two days in the NICU grew into the wee V, who at 11 is now my equal in height.
I recovered well from that and never really comtemplated how lucky I was to survive the experience. Partly because I was young, and mostly because nobody bothered to emphasize how lucky I was.

Well fast forward 10 years...and viola here I am again..only this pregnancy was much much different.
From the very beginning I have been battered with tests, apparently these doctors were taking this seriously...so seriously in fact that before my first trimester ended I had been referred to a perinatologist for high risk pregnancies.
Where at my very first visit the doctor expressed his concern over my pregnancy, and referred me to a Nephrologist to also manage me during the pregnancy.

Where with V I blithely sashayed through the pregnancy week after week. With Owen,
Every day was a victory, I was absolutely terrified something would go wrong.
(Not to mention an earlier test raised the possibility for Downs Syndrome, but we still chose not to have an amniocentesis)
The stress was phenomenal...every appt both anticipated and dreaded.
I loved that because of the pratice I got to see the spud at every visit (sono in the office...niiice)
But scared shitless that I would start showing signs of pre-eclampsia.
I was put on the Beta Blocker Nifedipine for my blood pressure early and carried the worry of any side effects that would have on our child (I was unable to take other med's because of my reduced kidney fuction)
My blood pressure was almost always high, but not sky high, until September 19, I was 27 weeks and 5 days.
And I had finally run out of luck, my pressure was up, and I had finally started to show increased protein in my urine. The doctor wanted to admit me immediately but I refused (and purst into tears) and asked to postpone making any decision until friday, and the opportunity to see my nephrologist the next day.
The doctor agreed telling me that I needed to come into the hospital antenatal testing center to chart what the baby's progress was, but he cautioned me to bring a bag, because if my pressure was still up, I was being admitted for observation.

Friday I packed a bag in tears, I did not want to leave my home and my family (mention here, I did not want to leave my son) I held small hope that maybe I would get to come home, I prayed, I bargained...but to no avail.
I was admitted, with more than a few tears.
And in the hospital I stayed for eight weeks and five days.
Slowly losing my mind.
Every Monday and Thursday I had blood draws at 6am to see if the magic bad happened and it "was time" which meant that I fasted from midnight before until I got the results...sometimes shortly after my breakfast arrived to taunt me..sometimes hours later when it had reached room temp.
The entire time I remained symptom free (preeclampsia symptoms that is)
Nausea, blurred vision, spots before my eyes, upper GI pain...urinating fine, blah blah blah.
Until finally someone murmered the magic words..delivery in early November...

Well shite...I just realized today (January 31) that I never published this..well I'll finish it later..heres up to now

Sleep deprivation and natural sunlight

2007-11-27T11:02:00.001-05:00

I'm home!
And so is spud!

I apologize for being so neglectful...I suck.

No good excuse other than I was just overwhelmed by everything and had nary a creative thought in my pretty little head.

Plus I kept starting an entry..and then getting sidetracked and leaving it unfinished.

So instead on trying to write it ALL at once...I'm going to have to write it in bits...so please pardon the "hindsite" and eventually I will get everyone caught up on the the roller coaster that is this ride has been.

And eventually I'll even get pictures up.

In the meantime I have done my part to continue the species, and Owen Christopher Dreadful is so gorgeous and wonderful that I'm stunned stupid at how blessed I am.

peas and carats,
-P

Incarceration...incarcera.a.a.tion..its making me nutters

2007-10-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay in posting.

But you see I am incarcerated to an extent.

About one month ago I showed up at the hospital which I shall be birthing at, for a little check-up..to see how the little spud is doing.
Basically an ultrasound to check his weight, size, amniotic fluid levels...blah blah blah.

And ended up admitted to the hospital..and I'm still here.

Waiting for either my due date...or my health to take a sudden plunge for hell.

I never know the boundries of boredom before now.

blurg.

Anyway, my nurse just walked in to check my vitals, so I shall post more later.

I take it out on everyone around me.

2007-08-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr Dreadful,

I know you only occassionally read my blog, because in your chivalry you think it somewhat akin to spying on me, and think that should I have have the want... I should have somewhere to bitch and complain about you without having to justify it.

By this time I'm sure you've figured out that if I have something to bitch or complain about, I do it to your face, because what good is being pissed off if you dont know it???

But I feel the need to both Thank You and apologize to you for a couple of things.

First,

I am sorry that the athletic energetic girl you fell in love with and embarked on this "life" with is exhausted ALL the time and you pretty much have to run the house now...AND walk the dog in this crappy summer heat.

And I thank you for never one time complaining about it.

I'm sorry I am such a stroppy cow.

Yesterday at the renal ultrasound I had to pee REALLY bad (as you know)

And it was hot, and that farking eejit in the blue Monte Carlo parked too close to me.

A half dozen things that were not your fault, but I snapped at you for anyway.

Thank you for accepting my weird little jinxy habits about this pregnancy.

It seems like every bizarre request I have had of you, you have done your best to fulfill.

From coming to my doctors appointments with me to listening via stethascope to my tummy every night.

For the seemingly endless stream of terrified tears I have cried, that you have let me weep it out, handed me a tissue and told me we will be fine, I cannot thank you enough.

Just remember at the end of this road you will have a beautiful child, and I love you.

(yeah yeah..barf)

Cue the disco ball...

2007-08-08T08:03:00.000-05:00

Last weekend was my class reunion...my 20 year class reunion.

A less than auspicious occasion I was content to let pass like a painful but small kidney stone.

It was held a nearby swanky hotel, the plan being Friday evening was a cocktail/informal meet and greet at the hotel bar (gratis) followed on Saturday evening by the official "grand" event.

My plan was to miss the entire experience, my dear friend since early development planned to attend just the Friday night do.

Of course she calls me at 11:00 friday night drunk as a skunk telling me how much fun they're having and how it just isn't the same without me.

Haaaa I doubt that, since I could very well have been voted the girl you least likely remember going to high school.

But those pesky pregnancy hormones got to me, and made me all weak.

So I slipped into a slinky red dress that showed by big belly to its best (smirk) and toddled off to see how the classmates have fared.

The guys are all skeevy old guys. Either fat or just creepy (drug usage in the late eighties/early nineties not kind)

And the women? Well most are divorced and trying to convince everyone how thrilled they are with this..but one...a rather athletic lass..bleached her hair and got new boobs!

And she is still a bitch!

God I hated high school.

No more suprises..thankyouverramuch

2007-07-20T14:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we had our Level II Ultrasound where they check the progress of the baby (brain present, heart present measurements and whatnot)
But what we spoilers really look forward to is finding out the gender!

Blah Blah Blah Blah I know life is full of little to no suprises..but if you recall spud was a suprise.

So without further ado....it's a boy. A happy healthy very active boy.

Mr Dreadful is of course over the moon, having been terrified at the idea of a girl.
silly man.

Little person...lots of stuff

2007-07-16T14:40:00.000-05:00

From what I hear, most pregnant women look forward to the opportunity to shop for their little one with great abandon and joy. Pouring through catalogs, websites and dragging their partner though endless baby stores...almost from the beginning.
I am 4 days away from my halfway point (20 weeks) and I have not so much as given a thought to anything but a stroller and a baby carrier.
I have no motif for my nursery...no nursery yet in fact (will suss that out soon...ish)
I have not yet begun a registry, nor shopped for clothes furniture or any other baby stuff.

This knowledge has been greeted with much suprise by other women. Both pregnant and not.

Is it my ADD? Some sort of latent denial of my situation? I dunno. Maybe it's just that this pregnancy has been so precarious I'm afraid to get caught up in anything, lest something go "wrong"
Negative Nancy?

Whole body experience.

2007-07-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

Dear Random person.

Please do not think that reaching out and touching my pregnant stomach is ok, and do not be offended if you ask me and I say no. In fact dont ask, just assume I dont want someone whom I do not have a relationship with rubbing me.

Please understand that the politely glacial look I give you, or the good humored rebuff is me exhibiting manners.

What I want to do is slap you as hard as I can and tell you to keep your paws to yourself.

Also, telling me I am getting big/huge is just rude, I am pregnant..fuck off. The only person who needs to note my weight gain is my OB.
The same goes for my breasts, yes I know they are larger, it is rather difficult to avoid having cleavage when you left behind a DD and are onto new letters in the alphabet.
Rude sexual comments will get you a kick in the bollocks. Openly scamming on a pregnant woman is just gross. Like the grossest of gross.

Irritate the pregnant woman at your own peril.

Sincerely,

Pregnant Penny full of ire.

2007-07-10T13:31:00.000-05:00

Time has marched over me.

Sunday was that blessed event which shall someday be a national holiday known as "Penny's Birthday" yeah Penny.

I received loads of lovely presents and much adoration was heaped upon my burgeoning beauty.

However in true to myself form..I fell asleep early.

Being "of a certain age" and pregnant has made me boring as hell.

Oof!

2007-06-29T07:46:00.000-05:00

So a few evenings ago I was doing my required "15 minutes when I get home with my feet elevated" whilst reading the newest Laurell K. Hamilton-Anita Blake book (still full of typo's and too much sex, but at least she found her plot again) when my book took a little hop.
Huh?
It was spud! my very first real thwack from inside. So of course I called Mr. Dreadful and the Vinner in to feel it.
Mr. Dreadful was dutifully enthralled (having learned already that anything less than estatic enthusiasm will earn attitude..)
But Vinner slogged in with his usual preteen lethargy "Whaaaaaaaat?" (how do they draw that word out so long?)
Laid his hand on my tummy rolling his eyes, when 'thunk' Suddenly a huge grin and "that was cool, do it again"

Silly boys.

Ode to NOLA

2007-06-25T16:04:00.000-05:00

Last week my friend Crystal and I went to see Harrick Connick Jr. in concert at a local outdoor ampitheatre Wolf Trap.

It was a gorgeous coolish summer evening (ok it rained a bit, but we had seats under the pavilion so blah)

It was ever soo much fun, I of course obessed over the locations of the bathrooms, and had a stuffed up nose. But if one loves Jazz and or Harry Connick Jr. it was a divine evening.

It felt nice to have some "grown up fun" even if I could not partake of the open bar at the celebration before hand.

And I felt no guilt over exploiting my pregnant status to jump the queue for the hopper.

I have no shame...

EGADS!

2007-06-19T14:16:00.000-05:00

Dear beloved gentleman.

On behalf of my sisterhood, here is a guide as to momento's from previous relationships.

Throw them all away.

And most importantly. Delete/erase/eradacate every scrap of her off of your fucking computer.

There is absolutely no excuse for us finding pictures of of the two of you on holiday in Cancun/Disneyworld.

Laziness or forgetfulness is not an excuse, in fact it makes us even angrier.

Worst case? It makes us cry, and you dont want to do that now do you?

Oh the joys of it all.

2007-06-19T08:06:00.000-05:00

I have a cold.

From the typhoid molly that sits across the aisle from me at my place of enslavement.

Last week she spewed her pestilence all over the office, and now I have a cold.

However I also have the extra added bliss of being pregnant, which means I cannot take anything for it.

Here is a list of my approved cold medicines whilst pregnant:

Tylenol
Saline Nose Spray
Vicks Vapo-Rub

Admit it, you wish you were me.
I dont blame you, beacause I still look fabulous...and fertile..

:-P

A perry na who ist?

2007-06-11T14:07:00.000-05:00

So, here I am at my 14th week and I have already been sent to a Perinatologist (for high risk pregnancies)

Who has in turn informed me I need to go see a Nephrologist as well.

Childhood illness left me with one fully functioning kidney and one..small part of a kidney.

::sigh::

No rest for the wicked I suppose.

Anyway, I thank every deity involved that I have decent medical insurance or I would be screwed royally.

Just my bloodwork so far...because this could get UGLY..

So thats why everyone stepped back...

2007-06-11T11:43:00.000-05:00

So now I'm showing, so everyone in my world now knows I'm pregnant.

Which is apparently a really good thing, because most of them just thought I was getting really fat.

Mind you I have only gained 4 freaking pounds so far, due to the excessive nausea.

But they were apparently really significant pounds.

Several people have responded to my apparent state of pregnancy with the reply "Thank God, I just thought you were gaining weight"

Obatabee. I'm glad I could put your mind at ease..Rest easy I am not a potentional member of "BBW" I am simply pregnant.

So now? They bring me food, and make lots of jokes about getting out my way when I'm heading to lunch (we had a buffet at a work event last week and there were endless remarks about not blocking my access to the line)

Haaaaaa you so funny.

So not funny.

So here is the only allowable thing to say to a pregnant woman, or a woman you think might be pregnant..

"You look good today"

and that is it...thankyou

What a pain in the hoohah...

2007-05-23T12:59:00.001-05:00

*WARNING GRAPHIC TESTING POST AHEAD*

Yesterday I had another test.

Nuchal Translucency/ Sequential Screen.
It is a sonogram in coordination with a blood draw to determine the chances the child I am currently carrying may have Downs Syndrome, trisomy 18, or open neural tube defects.

It is not required, but is suggested for those over 30...something.

The little brochure told me this was an EXTERNAL sonogram, which I am cool with.

But the brochure lied, this was an internal sonogram....again.

Now the last internal sonogram I had so pissed my cervix off, it caused a short period of spotting, so I was not eager to repeat this process. But I was there already draped in my little paper drape.

SHIT.

And I'll tell you ladies and gentleman this time around it SUCKED the suck of a thousand sucking suckers.

The chair you sit in is similar to a astronauts launch seat in that after you placed you feet in the alotted stirrups you are lifted and tilted back and backside up so that the doctor has a clear inward shot with the sono stick.
Which to be honest looks alot like a dildo with a condom on it..
So in the "probe" slides (BLLUURRRRGG)

First the attempt to locate my ovaries, again, which entails much pushing down and around on my abdomen, whilst shifting about inside..OUCH.

After seemingly hours/seconds of this, I politely reminded the doctor that just a mere two weeks ago we took a looky loo at said ovaries and they were present and happy, lets assume they still are and get down to bizness.

There on the screen is my little spud, however spud is napping in a position the is not conducive to picture taking so the doctor shakes the probe around inside me, (think stirring motion) waking spud up and causing him to move into what I assume is the first correct position.
Then there is more shaking and spud moves again (after what appears to be a swatting motion in the doctor's direction)

Poor Mr. Dreadful was very disconcerted by this. And later told me of his urge to ask the doctor if he could "stick that thing up his ass and start stirring" Bwaa I was thinking same thing.

Thankfully the process ended before I blacked out...and off I went to be poked by a phlebotomist.

Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Another poke (by the phlebotomist) in 4 or 5 weeks..and then thats that.

But no more tests of this nature. I'm done..what will be will be.

I am physically and emotionally spent from this roller coaster ride.

I beg your pardon?

2007-05-08T15:20:00.000-05:00

So, whilst at my old OB's office picking up my dusty records from my first roll down the birthing alley (I'm switching to a new one for this act) I managed to liberate a magazine on Pregnancy (seriously, they have a magazine about it! only 9 issues in a subscription..natch) anyway in this particular magazine, buried between pages of adverts (apparently pregnancy has taken over being gay as an untapped market..so there were A LOT of adverts)
There was an article about "dating when you're pregnant"

How to DATE when you're already pregnant.

It contained tips on things such as when to tell your new beau that you're pregnant, whether you should explain how you got pregnant, at which point should you stop dating when you're pregnant.

I wonder how most men would take this bit of news - not the shining Adonis' of virtue whose stories are contained in those pages, but real live men...

Someone please stop this whirling..around..and..around

2007-05-07T11:39:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are blessed either by gender or genetics and have never experienced "Morning Sickness"

I loathe you all.

It has been compared to motion sickness, which having suffered from as a child I can attest to the similarities.. (not to mention a unforgettable experience with a Waltzer at Hull Fair a few years ago.....put me off mushy peas for LIFE)

But unlike motion sickness where you start to feel a little blurg...and then a little queasy...and maybe throw up, or maybe not...

Morning sickness (which no doubt you've heard can strike anytime day or night) hits fast...and you either calm your stomach...or you PRAY to puke..because throwing up would be a boon. No no you just get that watery feeling in your mouth...and CANNOT puke.

Here is me: (2-3 times during night)

Wake up, sit up, start walking to bathroom to pee...'Oh dear lord I'm going to puke' turn back to kitchen and get glass of Ginger Ale and a piece of Hawaiian Bread (hey it works) and sip and eat standing in kitchen...then rush to bathroom to pee(taking deep breaths and chanting 'please dont like me puke..please dont let me puke'...come back to kitchen and nibble some more on way back to bed.
Now you ask why dont I keep something by the bed? Because if the ginger ale is not ice cold..I will throw up..and I cannot eat without drinking.

My sense of smell, which was freakishly keen to begin with, is off the charts.
I cannot stand the smell of Dorito's just thinking of them is making me queasy actually.
And grocery stores just stink.

And the only way to calm the queasiness is to eat, constantly..small meals/snacks all day long, because eating TOO much at once will do the same, AND give me heartburn as well.

I do not remember it being this vicious....:sigh:

Huh...who woulda thunk it.

2007-05-04T15:21:00.000-05:00

Alrighty, so obviously you've noticed I've been out of touch for a bit.

Fear not I have not taken off to join the Sherpas...nor have I renounced my blogging ways:

I'm Pregnant.
I'm exhausted, my breasts have gotten..just ridiculous. And have the morning, afternoon, evening and middle of the night sickness from Hades itself.

Add another cat...stir..

2007-03-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

And VIOLA! Instant insanity. Meet Murphy, the newest member of the nuthouse.

I adopted him from the local shelter. He was a stray...

Since I currently already have one dog..and one cat, Murphy is currently cooling his fuzzy little heels in my bedroom, acclimating himself to the new environment, while I slowly introduce him to society.

He has a nervous stomach, which while thankfully has not resulted in puking...it has resulted in gas and bad breath (I have been assured this will pass when he settles down)

So..my room smells like...well...sun warmed cadaver.

His little bio said he was "chatty". However it did not mention his meow was soundless, like an old charlie chaplin movie...or cat charades.

He purrs, and when he sniffs around it sounds like the ladies room at studio 54.

This cat could snort a Buick...however he rarely actually MEOWS with acoustics...its a bit disconcerting.

Sometimes it takes a while..

2007-03-19T11:42:00.000-05:00

If any of you out there are in a less than conventional relationship by societies standards you will understand my chagrin at this weekends happenings.

I live in the heart of suburbia.
Granted its gotten a little more "flavorful" in my hood lately, but you dont have to travel far down the road to be once again in the warmly beating epicenter of "soccer moms and SUVs"

Well my sweetie and I went out to dinner on Saturday at a local tex-mex establishment.

Margaritas and beer all around..keep em coming!

So of course we get carded (because clearly I am so young and well preserved that I boggle more simple minds)
The server cards me first, than my sweetie.

You could tell he wanted so badly to ask for mine back...and confirm the age difference.

Because, you see my "guy" is significantly younger than me.

It is such a non-issue with us, that we rarely even notice other people noticing anymore.

All of our friends and family have gotten past the age difference, mostly because over time I think people stop looking at each other in terms of labels and start just seeing what works.

We are irritatingly nauseatingly blissfully happy, but you need not worry about me blogging ad nauseum about it. We've been together for close to a year now, and I havent done it yet..so ya'll are safe.

Never have sex with an idiot.

2007-03-15T15:40:00.000-05:00

Because you might get pregnant..

The other chromosomal donor for my brilliant offspring has decided he is going to be a father.

Apparently after ten fricking years of having a son, he has decided he is going to be a father now.

Therefor he has started showing up at Vinners soccer games.

This of course makes Vin estatic and me somewhere between mildly irritated and nauseous.

Either way he has decided to partake in the social activity of parenting..

So last Saturday instead of the usual schedule of taking Vin back to his house and taking a rest or shagging his girlfriend while my son plays on the internet.

He decided to take him to a movie.

And what movie does he choose to take my 10 year old angel to?

300.

Which is rated R. So when Vinner tells him he is not allowed to see rated R movies, his father tells him.
"If your mother has a problem with it, tell her to call me"
and the trampy girlfriend adds "You dont HAVE to tell her if she doesnt ask"

Which of course Vin couldn't wait to tell me.

.....

So when I saw him at Vincents soccer game, I calmly discussed that I think Vincent is too young to see rated R movies, and that MY rules are still rules even when I am not around.
he actually SMIRKED at me and told me I cant tell him what to do with "his boy"

So, I called him a useless pain in the ass monkey fucker and planted my Doc Marten on his boney ass hurling him over the bannister and crashing to the concrete below.

Ok...I didnt actually do that.

I took a very deep breath and simply smiled and reminded him that according to the Commonwealth of Virginia I actually CAN do just that...

HAH!

What ARE they teaching our kids these days??

2007-03-06T08:48:00.000-05:00

I'll admit being a parent is so much harder than I ever imagined.

And what is the absolute hardest is keeping on top of his school work.

The wee V (who is not so wee anymore) brings home pounds of paperwork daily and weekly.

Home work, classwork, tests, ect ect ect...

And I have not always been diligent about sifting through all of the paperwork, checking on his progress and cracking the whip when necessary.

What they so rarely tell you is how easy it is to slip into complacency and believe your child when they tell you they dont have homework, and that school is going great, rather than make the daily effort to make sure he is "working" and being the "bitch" when he is slacking.

So a few months ago I began paying ALOT more attention to what my son brings home in his backpack, what he does on his tests, and classwork.
And it is scaring the hell out of me.
Because the work he is getting away with not doing at school is appallingly.

Most parents if they look at a paper of their childs and see a check mark or an "OK" dont feel the need to actually read the paper and see what the questions and answers are.
Well thats our fault, we should be reading the papers.

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind, I walk in my door at 6:00pm usually, and before I plant my head at night I : walk the dog, excavate the cat box , do laundry, make dinner, clean up after dinner, and tidy some portion of the house.
This does not include homework overseeing...

Well it is shocking to discover how much my son bullshits his way through tests and classwork.

AND HE GETS AWAY WITH IT!

It was funny when I was a kid, it is NOT so funny now that it is my child getting away with it.

So I make him redo his bullshit at home, basically I am reteaching my son what the schools and teachers are not teaching him..

So please forgive my long lapses, relearning the Revolutionary War and The Declaration of Independence and Thomas Jefferson and George Mason's contributions so I can make sure my SON learns them...doesnt leave as much time for blogging as it used to.

I'm still around and full of useless crap and opinions..I'm just a bit refocused at the mo.

Coming soon...

Dog Obediance classes
And Long division.

woop..woop

What Wonderful Wintery Weather

2007-01-22T13:43:00.000-05:00

Sooo, yesterday as I'm rushing out the door late for my sons soccer game (his Dad switched days so he was with him yesterday)
I'm frantically zipping my pants and attempting to comb my fingers through my hair so that every other parent wont be giving me the hairy eyeball because the reason for my tardiness is CLEARLY written all over my face..when I realize its snowing!

OH...wrong post.

It snowed yesterday.

Finally.

Gretzky was whipped up into a fine frenzy over the white stuff, and was beyond blissful when he realized it was frozen WATER (he loooooves frozen water, who needs doggy bones when your dog with do the dishes for an ice cube?) and what time wasn't spent chasing us down the hill was spent snacking on the sidewalk.
Last night we lit a fire in the fireplace and spent quality family time gathered around the hearth ("Squeeze" and I fell asleep while the wee V played game boy)

Unfortunately schools were not cancelled, just delayed two hours.

So basically while there was enough snow for a few fun filled trips down the hill in my back yard (followed by yapping yellow dog), there was not enough to cancel school or relatively..work.

So I dug my car out and shuffled off to work today..dropping the wee V at his child care person.

Still it was worth it...SNOW ::sigh::

The wee V won his game by the by, he's the keeper and had some BRILLIANT saves.

Woot woot.

Oh how Penny has fallen....

2007-01-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, I ranted a rant to end all rants about that dungeon of retail mockery Victoria's Secret.

And just a few weeks ago..your very own Penny actually went into said hellish establishment and...purchased a brassiere.

Well actually my sweetie purchased it for me..after my slobbering beast from hell ate my favorite bra..thereby prompting me to collapse in tears in the middle of the floor..and him to drag me to the local mall still sniffling..

And it was one of those fancy schmancy rah rah IPEX brassieres..

I love it...I am so ashamed...but I look fabulous.

blurg.

A little change...

2007-01-16T08:55:00.000-05:00

Or more likely me...a little change...a little at a time.

I was dead weary of the pink template, so I switched, but of course all of my customizationy thingers went poof, and I shall do my very bestest to spiff this up a bit..but really...the combination of being so busy I have to make an appt in my ledger to breathe...and having ADD..well dont hold YOUR breath to long..

But I may just enlist my squeeze with the big brain and his seemingly endless knowledge of all things computery to do it for me...actually that is a lovely idea.

Oh and yes you read it correctly...I still have the SAME squeeze.

And I'm still not bored. Miraculous tisntit?

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T16:50:00.000-05:00

Blah Blah Blah Blah....

Holy Schmackeral...what the hell happened to 2006?

May 2007 bring you all the lovely good things you want...and none of the nasty things you may deserve..

And may all your karma be good karma...

Thank you Tidy

2006-12-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

For every foot there is a sock..

2006-12-11T15:14:00.000-05:00

I like to share the wealth..when I "discover" a wonderful place to spend my hard earned wages I like to pass it on....and as some of you may recall..a while back I firmly endorsed one of my favorite e-tailers Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs for their delightfully debauched fragrances, and just fun message boards.

Well onto my new e-tailing obsession..

Imelda Marcos was a firm believer that a girl can never have enough shoes.

And while I agree, I have to take a little turn here and say..A girl can never have enough socks.

Crazy statement you say! Well I disagree and I suspect if you noodle on over to my new absolute most favorite e-tailer sock-dreams you will agree.

Name your sock yen and they got em..with a heavy emphasize on my beloved over the knee socks..(also known as OTK) and thigh highs...yes my little consumer driven minons I said THIGH HIGH SOCKS...not just sexy stockings, but they have them too. But wonderful socks. Lots of stripes, be it vertical or horizontal..
Fishnets..yup they got em.
And they also have some wonderful accessories.
Go check em out..

Well shoot.

2006-11-21T13:44:00.000-05:00

This is my 100th post...and I have to waste the auspiciousness by relaying that my beloved pooch Brutus has died.

So Penny is feeling rather dreadful....I'll be back soon.

pffft. cosmic kick in my ass.

Halloweenie on a stick...

2006-11-01T13:47:00.000-05:00

(and now back to our regularly scheduled blogging..Penny's had enough doom gloom and dreadfulness for a while)

Another Halloween come and gone.
I love Halloween. But has always seemed so anticlimatic to me....even more so than Christmas.

Your chances of still getting some celebratory high after Christmas are quite good. Christmas music is still playing, and as everyone knows you have till after New Years to give and receive gifts..but Halloween comes...and then just as quickly goes.
Aside from the candy hangover and a rapidly decomposing pumpkin nothing sticks around very long.
Christmas decorations lurk for weeks...but how often do you see Halloween decorations more than a day after the celebratory activities?

I know people who plan their Halloween costume months in advance, yet come November 1st..its back to the closet never to be heard from again..(well unless you hit the sales and picked up a few "costumes" for the off season..ahem)

This year I was a Fairy Goth Mother...because it allowed me to wear three of my most favorite things together....overalls, Doc Martens...and wings.. Frankly I would dress like that every day (well minus the wings..,maybe)
It was really brilliant I tell you..except for all the chowderheads who kept asking me if I was an angel...
WHA? Wearing BLACK wings, Big clompy Docs (they were my steel toes..god I love those) waay too much makeup and a NOSE RING?
Silly rabbits...

Anyway, all that remains today is some rather stubborn glitter (which even after you shower a few flecks remain) and the dark nail polish.
(My squeeze went into work this morning and he had a few flecks of glitter stuck to him...he told them that his "glittery girlfriend sat on Satan Claus' lap last night to tell him whether she wanted a trick or a treat" BWAAAA he's so silly)

I of course squired Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Vadar and a saucy little red devil around the hood last night and am pleased to report the larcenous hi-jinx was well in check...and much candy was collected.

But today...pfft fun hangover.
It's all a big let down...

Luckily I think I can find a use for those wings again...

Blurg...

2006-10-30T10:36:00.000-05:00

Well what a shit month eh?

The Burlington VT police have arrested the man they believe to be responsible (believe..snort..innocent until proven guilty..blah blah blah) and charged him with aggravated murder.
Cause of death strangulation and blunt force trauma.
And the bag of shit raped her as well.

Frankly my mind refuses to dwell on this, like a scared little child it captures just a glimpse and it runs to the corner and refuses to listen anymore..eyes screwed shut, fingers in ears singing "La la la la I'm not listening"

But time and life marches on..

JC is back at work now.

Every parents nightmare.

2006-10-12T12:35:00.000-05:00

This is Michelle Gardner Quinn. She is 21 years old and a Senior at the University of Vermont.
She was last seen at 2:15am on the morning of Saturday 7 October, 2006 after parting company with a group of friends celebrating a birthday at a local bar in Burlington Vermont.

She was reported missing Saturday night when she failed to meet her parents who were up from Virginia for "Parents Weekend", and has now been missing for 6 days.

Michelle is described as a wordly traveller who has studied abroad in Costa Rica, Brazil and South Africa, fiercely intelligent and independent.

She is also the 21 year old daughter of a co-worker of mine.

A kind, well spoken man who adored his daughter and spoke of her with great pride very often.

That this would happen to any parent is horrifying, that I can put a familiar face to the suffering is absolutely heartrending.

That my sympathy is not for "those poor parents" but for "JC" someone I've talked to weekly at least makes it so much more raw that my heart just literally aches for him and he wife.

This is a horror that words cannot express, it is beyond words.

The burgenoning fear that JC and his wife must have faced that Saturday night makes my insides just twist.
I know the day I came home and Vin wasnt there, and I didnt know where he was for almost an entire hour was the most terrifying experience of my life..hands down.

The panic you feel is visceral, and you are helpless to do anything, and can only hope for the best, while imagining the worst, and it is amazing the depths your mind can conjour at these times.

I just keep repeating "This isnt happening...this isnt happening" Until I fairly shouted it over it over.

I pray with all of my heart that his result will be much as mine...his child will be safe and he will hug her and tell her he loves her and the vice grip around his heart will lessen so he can breathe.

...Updated Friday = 13 October, 2006
As some of you have already learned.

The body of Michelle was found earlier today.
I am frankly just to fucking upset to post coherently.

fuck it all.

In the infamous words of the Wee-V

2006-10-05T08:15:00.000-05:00

Hockeys on tonight...Hockey's on tonight...

Hockey's on toooooooooooooooooonight!!!

The exhaulted sport of the artic gods (not to be confused with the exhaulted sport of the pitch gods) begins tonight for me with my beloved Capitals battling against the NY Rangers.

woot woot

Empty bag of fun..

2006-10-03T10:02:00.000-05:00

So, Satan had returned to his presurgery self with no real ill effects from his..change.

With the sole exception of he now humps his dog bed, the veterinarian has assured me this is only temporary, sort of a last oomph of the testosterone..but it is a bit disconcerting to see him having relations with his bed.

He still chases the cat, he still irritates the hell out of my mastiff but barking in his face, his favorite chewy toy is still the hair catch from the shower drain...which when he manages to steal he runs and hides under the bed with just his hairy hind end sticking out...tail swishing in furious glee at his plunder..
In the morning when I let him out of his crate he still hauls ass to Vincent still slumbering in bed and jumps on top of him trying to pull his covers off.
He had pulled the legs off of his "Suspicious Chicken" toy so now it's just a torso with wings (he chewed his face off weeks ago)

Basically he is back to his ill behaved self with a few added bonuses.

And his little bean bag is empty...

My little cone head

2006-09-25T08:20:00.000-05:00

So as I posted last week my furry little satan dog went in for the great gender neutralizing surgery.
Since it was considered major surgery (and I'm sure you gentlemen are saying "damn skippy!")
He had an overnight stay at hotel de Colonial (thats the vet)
and sweet jesus, I had forgotten how quiet and peaceful my house was before Cujo masquerading as Old Yeller arrived...Thursday night was so serene and peaceful...::sigh::

Friday morning I arrived to pick up said poochie, hoping to see my much calmer beautific angel coming quietly trotting out (medicated to the gills...natch)
But instead out shoots the hellbeast...still much like trying to teather a tornado..only now theres a funnel on his head...which he has used judiciously in the last week to bruise each one of us by head butting us.
This cone for you none-pet owners is to keep said pet from munching on his incision..yummy thought that is..

Three things I have discovered about the "cone"
1. when Gretzky goes into a room and attempts to turn around and leave said room he shuts himself in the room. he has locked himself in the bathroom three times so far...this is funny.
2. when he drinks water, it pours out of his funnel like a waterfall, this is not so funny.
3. Sneaking up on him is much easier, but he retaliates by "coning" you.

It's due to come off the end of this week, I wonder if it will be like a brand new world for him...

Use em...or lose em..

2006-09-20T12:53:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the day..

Gretzky..aka the Great One will be going under the knife to become....
Gretzky...aka "No Nuts"
And not a moment too soon either...theres a saucy little Chihuahua down the road thats taken quite a shine to my posturing pooch and has been finding excuses to scootle past our house.
Not to mention his new favorite person greeting...wag tail..walk around the back of the person and stick his nose practically in their arse while taking deep sniffies...blurg.

Trallop.

I think Brutus knows, he's been giving me that patient 'He'll get his..oh yes he will" look ever since he heard me make the appointment.

This morning I sang the "Gretzky's getting his nuts chopped off" song
And that silly dog danced right along with me...
Vin just glared at me and kept saying "Thats not funny..thats not funny"

He's getting a special din din tonight...its not his favorite (because that clumping cat litter is a BEEOTCH to get out of his teeth) but its a close second...yum yum bologna and cheese sammiches!

Love hurts...and I've the limp to prove it

2006-09-19T07:26:00.000-05:00

I'm in a dysfunctional relationship that is going to put me in traction.

I had a soccer game last night...oh and Sunday night...and I've got one tomorrow night...and then again on Saturday.

I am in pain..I got knocked over last night...repeatedly.

Large offensive (and I mean positionally) woman kept losing control and steam rolling me.

I was knocked down 4 times, I have bruises all over my arms and a HUGE one on my elbow from the last tumble where I hit my head on the ground so hard I bit my tongue.

Add this to the usual aches, pains and maladies and I'm moving like I was hit by a truck..and look like I've been drafted into the roller derby.

GOD I LOVE SOCCER...I only wish it didnt love me so much..

A snip in time..

2006-09-14T12:19:00.000-05:00

Gretzky's going in the for the snip snip soon.

Whoever said if it's got testicles its trouble...knew what they were talking about!

My adorable puppy has turned into an asshole...and either the nuts go...or I'm letting the cat kick his ass.

Oy!

Back to school...

2006-09-05T08:09:00.000-05:00

Its raining. It's pouring. Back to work is boring..

Ok seriously, its the first day of school for my darling little angel.

4th grade.

He insisted on wearing shorts (even though its a bit of a cold downpour) and his clothes dont match.

The lovely nutritious breakfast I had planned was scrapped in favor of "Reeses Puffs cereal" and a handful of M&M's.

The dog drooled all over his backpack, and he informed me that "wearing a rain poncho is GHEY mom" and only grudgingly accepted an umbrella.

It's going to be a lovely lovely year....so officially begineth the pre-teen years.

Meh.

Public Service Announcement

2006-08-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

Alrighty.
I'm back.
Just to bring everyone up to date in the last month(ish) I....
Turned 33...again.
Got mugged on my way to see "The Tideliar" when he was here (I blame him)
Did my time on the "God Squad" (Volunteered at my sons VBS) and discovered that organized religion and I...still dont march to the same drummer.
Lost 7 pounds...but amazingly still have my ass.
Nursed my mother back to ambulation after her foot surgery...and didnt kill her.
And...furthered my plot for world domination!!!

There that should bring all of you up to speed.

This time I am sure he said TAGGED

2006-07-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

I got tagged by Tideliar again...woop...once more and I get a free toaster..

Five Things in my Freezer
1. Frosty Paws (c'mon you knew they were there!)
2. Trader Joes French Toast (the wee V loves it)
3. A bag of frozen veggies that I use as an icepack
4. Vodka (still unopened)
5. Ice

Five Things in my Closet: (hall)
1. My much loved and much destroyed Doc Martens
2. Soccer Stuff (shoes, knee brace, shin guards, balls...ect ect
3. Fire Extinguisher
4. Baseball Bat
5. 3 boxes of soda - 2 boxes of Fresca and a box of Diet Caffeine Free Dr Pepper (It tastes more like regular Dr Pepper you know)

Five Things in my Car:
1. Empty cigarette box (from a very long time ago)
2. Handy Wipes
3. blanket
4. about 30 pens
5. Wales Rugby jersey

Five things in my purse (other than my wallet..duh)
1. plastic fork
2. 4 tubes and one pot of lip stuff
3. Adderall
4. ATM receipts
5. Rescue Remedy

And since everyone I know on this "scene" has been tagged..I guess my buck stops here (unless I think of someone later..because I just cannot be arsed now)

The Heat makes people do crazy things...

2006-07-18T12:06:00.000-05:00

Theres a joke about everyone from Minnesota being born in late summer and fall, because there aint a whole lot else to do in Winter. (My father was on summer break when my brother was conceived, and home on leave from the Marine Corps for me hence our early-mid summer birthdays)

Well I have noticed that in the more southernly states...theres a whole lotta getting on..going on in the summer.
Maybe since they're already hot and sweaty they figure..what the hell?
Maybe it's all that exposed tan skin.

But I actually saw a couple seriously getting into in..in the frozen food section of my grocery store yesterday.

I actually said "Holy Crap" because the sight of two people pressed so close you couldnt get a slice of saran wrap between them..his knees wedged between her legs and his hands on her ass sorting hoisting her up..well you dont expect THAT to be blocking your way to the Frosty Paws (thats ice cream for dogs...they were on sale..ok?) on your average shopping excursion.

I was stunned into statuary.

I know its rude to stare..but...Huzzah.

Whaaaaat?

2006-07-13T09:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I am diligently slaving along at my place of enslavement when...pffft.

My computer reboots itself...Well crap.

After the reboot...it does it again...and again.

So like a good little office lemming I call my MIS department and say "My computer has gone postal and is holding me hostage, please bring a gun"

After staring my my computer attempting to reboot itself again..it is officially declared dead.

And I get..a new hard drive...and therefor lose everything on my old hard drive.

The MIS guy asks me "Do you want me to attempt to recover anything from your previous hard drive?"

Frantically searching my memory...not for important work mind you..but illicit ramblings/pictures/blah dee blah blah I may have stupidly saved (or not so cleverly hidden) and would very much NOT want recovered and viewed by our MIS department..I say "Um no, thats ok, I'm sure I can recollect whatever information I may need"

Dammit..

Let this be a lesson..for whatever you wish it to be..
It would just be a shame to lose all my "stuff" without one..dont you think?

The Trip To WhizKonSin..The Departure/Arrival...

2006-07-12T11:20:00.000-05:00

Our departure from the lovely Reagan National Airport (which will forever just be "National Airport" to those of us who know best) was delayed 35 Minutes...

Immediately this raises the red flag of alarm for our beloved heroine, because being able to tell time she realizes... that if the plane is scheduled to land in Milwaukee at 3:35 pm, and her connecting flight to Minneapolis/St Paul departs Milwuakee at 3:25 PM, there is a problem..So she calms walked up to the counter jerk at the MIDWEST counter and politely says "Sir, my connecting flight departs 10 minutes before we are due to land, this is a problem"

Counter jerk-wad says "Yes there are actually 8 of you transferring the plane will wait"

I doubt this, but can hope. And really cant blame counter jerk for being a lying queen with over gelled hair.

Upon landing in Milwaukee at 3:40 I am not too suprised to discover, the connecting flight has departed.

I am considerably more suprised to learn that the next flight to MSP departs at 9:40pm.
FIVE HOURS LATER.

So we are given a 20 dollar food voucher at the Midwest desk, I called my sister in law in time for her to stop her 1 1/2 hour drive and turn around...to drive back later.
And trudge off to kill some time in Milwaukees airport and partake of the fine airport cuisine.

These are some things we learned while whittling away the hours.

1. There is a candy bar called a cow pie in Wisconsin, and it is yummeriffic...and tastes alot like a turtle (the candy..not the aminal)
2. Most of the food vendors stop selling food between 6:30 and 7pm (thankfully the wonderful woman at the bookseller was kind enough to tell me this, before I was unable to redeem said voucher)
3. A 20 dollar food voucher will buy: 2 Pizza Hut personal cheese pizzas, a large drink, a bottle of milk and a bag of chips
4. There is not only a Harley Davidson shop, but also an aviation museum in the airport.
5. They sell something called "cheese curds" at the variety shop.
6. They also sell those big foam cheese wedges people wear on their heads (packers fans)
7. BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, so several gifts in the shop declared..
8. Starbucks coffee does not come in decaf there...the wee V was hopped up! (but really with 5 hours to kill did I care? nope)
9. Acid washed jeans still look like crap, even more so as...SHORTS..on men.
10. 5 hours is a very very long time to kill in Milwaukee's airport.

Finally we depart (Midwest has given us 2 seventyfive dollar vouchers towards our next flight) arrive in Minneapolis St Paul at 11:30..ish..and discover..Yup our bags didn't make the trip.
Apparently 5 hours wasnt enough time for the cheeseheads to ensure our luggage arrived with us.
I am not pleased, and trudge along with my other "transferers" over to the desk to report said lack of luggage.
So when the wee V exhausted and stressed starts to cry (mind you this is 12:30 our time) I do not stop him, but glare at the counter lady as I dramatically soothe my angel.
Dirty pool I know..but I'm petty sometimes.

I give the woman the address I am staying at in Eau Claire Wisconsin (noting her alarm at the distance with a bit of satisfaction) collect my second set of 75$ vouchers and head out to my sister in law handily parked at the curb..

We've arrived....

more to come...

The prodigal penny has returned

2006-07-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

I'm home..on terra homa.

My luggage however, is in milwaukee.

I'm am tired..and good lord it is hot here.

Will fill all of you lovelies in on my shennanigans in the dairy state...when my brain arrives ..like the silly girl I am I packed it in my checked luggage.

Yawn...back to bed..or at least the sofa

Wisconsin...Smell the Dairy Air.

2006-06-27T10:53:00.000-05:00

I'm leavin on a jet plane, dont know when...oh wait yes I do...I'll be back in 10 days.

I am going to Wisconsin..why you ask?? Brilliant question!

I am going to visit my brother and his family...and the Minnesota contingency of my familt topiary...will be coming down on the 4th to visit ...and drink Old Milwaukee no doubt!

My brother is a hoot, he's very serious and responsible.

I actually like my sister in law (she's gorgeous as well so she fits in nicely)

My nephew and my son are separated by only 5 months..so havoc will be wrecked there...little hooligans.

But I have to admit, while I love my family all equally I simply adore my neice. She is 12 (oh dear lord maybe she's 13?) Anyway I adore her.

She is simply the most interesting and fascinating person of any age.
Se has Aspergers (look it up I'm in a hurry) and she is quite frankly brilliant.

Unfortunately, she is at the age where being slightly different, gorgeous and brilliant..is not so easy when you go to school will hateful little cows masquerading as preteen girls.
So a nice long hang out session with Auntie Penny is just what she needs.

Anyway, I gotta go get ready to leave.

If I dont post before...Happy July 4th..

Celebrate our independence from the oppressively tyrannical Great Britain!

:-P

God what a day...

2006-06-16T09:42:00.000-05:00

I'm beat.

Conversational A D D

2006-06-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

(I wrote this last night, but didnt post it until this morning..blerg)

I just got home from my soccer game..which we won.
Go us.

Anyway, today at work the top I wore necessitated the wearing of a strapless undergarment.
Because the showing of bra straps is growled upon at my place on enslavement.
My strapless brassiere is a torture device, it is by all practice standards...the upper half of a corset, complete with rib gouging boning to keep the girls upwardly mobile.
So naturally by about 3:30 I am uncomfortable and ready to hurl said evil foundation garment out the window...since I could not..I did the next best thing and whined to my co-workers about the uncomfortableness.
Which of course diverted into a conversation about bras in general..and then one of my coworkers blurts out that she cant go braless because her nipples are really large and pointy outy (ok she didnt use pointy outy, but I edited for my amusement)

begyerpardon?

Now, There is such a thing as oversharing with your co-workers, granted there is a fine line between talking about brassieres and discussing what fillith thine cup.
But it exists, and it should not be crossed.

After a few stunned moments I simply said "Well thats unfortunate..back to work I am!"

and fairly sailed back to my desk..

I'm back...and now on to something more important..

2006-06-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

Breathe easy my little minions, I am fine.

The beginning of June is simply a sucky time for me, so I retreat in my shell (like a typical cancerian) and emerge all shiny and new in a few weeks..with my hard crunchy shell intact.

Anyway, enough about me...
As you know if you've been paying attention. I dont post about the goings on...going on...on someone elses blog...but, today I read Tideliars blog about the loss of a childhood friend recently who died while serving in Afghanistan.
My heart broke for him. Regardless how you feel about this war, or war in general....losing somebody you know, never mind care for, brings it crashing into your solar plexus like a fist. That someone so alive in your mind is now gone, and there will be no more memories to be made..

I have been there, and it sucks more profoundly than words can ever express...the great gaping hole where a memory used to be.
For a while, the memories take on a pain all their own, and when you visit them, they hurt so much they literally take your breath away.

And everytime you hear of it happening to "someone else" it all comes rushing back, I know they say time heals all wounds, but I think it is easier to simply say that in time you learn to live with some wounds, and they just become part of who you are, they no longer define you, but they have shaped you.

And those who still have someone "over there" when you hear about something like this, the fear is beyond terror, because the only way to survive is to not acknowledge that it can happen to anyone even to ____, or else it will drive you mad.

So, Tideliar my very dear friend. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain, and I grieve with you over the loss of your friend.

I have no words that will make it "better" because they simply do not exist..

It just sucks.

Godspeed.

Well that would explain my lofty self image

2006-05-29T20:34:00.000-05:00

howmuchareyouworth?
I am worth 1,911.356.79

Pocket change...

And they say all Scandanavians look alike.

2006-05-29T11:11:00.000-05:00

This is me not get publically intoxicated at an awards banquet with my friend and co-worker Nora.
She shares the blessed genes of Scandanavia with me...

I've been tagged?..could of sworn he said shagged...

2006-05-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

Well a fine thanky doo to tidlee, I've been tagged.

Ten things I loathe about my job (yes I know he changed it to 5 and 5, but I'm a purist and resist change)
1. Inflexible hours: Whats up with that crap? Who cares if I'm here at exactly x or leave before y? ..as long as I get the work done. Case in point..I'm here right now!

2. The customers..the customers..the customers. Every stupid person on earth has me on speed dial.

3. That young shit upstairs who is fresh out of college and think being president of his fraternity makes him cool, it doesnt, it just gives me something else to mock him for.

4. Our dress code. Professional during the week with business casual on Fridays, and this is only because our current grand pooh bah used to be a Governor. I want the return of Friday's wearing my Levi's!

5. CUBICLE. Need I say more?

6. That group of horrid women who meet in the bathroom and make fun of other women. I wish I could get away with giving them all swirlies, mean cows.

7. Having to explain something elementary to the higher ups, who just shuttle it off on their underpaid and overworked Admins, or after my one hour tutorial ask "Well could you just do it for us, you understand that stuff"

8. I am surrounded by women who spend the entire freaking day gossiping..about each other to each other..they skulk on over to x to complain about y..then simper to y to kvetch about x..

My Grandmother told me...if they gossip TO you..they gossip ABOUT you..

9.Did I mention I have a CUBICLE?

10. The unwillingness of anyone to go out of their way to obtain knowledge that might be helpful to someone else. Its always "Thats not my job, that's Eduardo"
chowderheads.

Now two things I love:

My director, he is the schizzle in the twizzle. At my previous company I was micromanaged to the point I swear she knew the color of my knickers from hovering behind me so much.
My current big cheese trusts my capabilities and supports my decisions and my work.

Plus he never gives me crap if I need to leave early..

A good boss type person makes up for all the other crap.

And my co-worker Crystal, who is simply a taller version of me..but she can sing.

There are few things funnier than hearing a 6ft blonde with a southern accent say "How would you like a nice cup of Shut the F*ck up?"
Hilarious.

Tonights million dollar question...

2006-05-23T22:10:00.000-05:00

Seriously gentlemen..answer this for me please, and ask your friends.

Why does it bother some of you, when a woman is better at SOME sports than you are?

I like being a girl, I'm feminine..

I have looovely long hair, I wear make-up..

But just because I happen to play a sport better than you on occassion..why is this a threat to you? Why does this piss you off?

Theorectically you say you like a woman who's athletic..but is the caveat ONLY if she doesnt actually perform better than you on the field of play?

I do not dance around and say "I'm better hoooah" or patronize you in any way.

And yet on the occassion like tonight when I have a stellar moment at bat and hit a 3 base run..your masculinity is threatened and you storm off home in a huff..

And men says women are complicated? Puh...Pot...Kettle Black?

No Vacancies in the Cranium..

2006-05-19T11:08:00.000-05:00

Not till I'm out of high school mom...

2006-05-16T09:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes to kill the monotony I will intentionally have bizzaro conversations with Vincent, completely nonsense exchanges, that exist only to make us both laugh, or to mess with his brilliant little mind.

Last night on the way to soccer Vincent was telling me about a kid in his class that was held back last year, and how funny he is.
To which I replied.."Funny..how?...Like Funny HA HA...or Funny weird"
"Funny HA HA, At the end of the day when we're leaving and he has to go to SAC he throws himself against the windows on the front door like he's a prisoner, and he's always falling on his face"
"I dont know Vin, that sounds funny in the head, he hasn't tried to kiss you or anything has he?" I ask in mock seriousness.
"No Mom, he just hilarious, not funky" (rolling his eyes)
"Well ok, but dont let him try to kiss you"
"Mom, I am not Gay"
"Well I know that" (glancing sideways at him) "But it would be ok if you were..ya know"
"I like girls Mom"
"Wait, have you kissed a girl yet" I pretend to panic..
"Nope" shaking head vehemently
"Good Because you're way to young for that"
"I know, I'm waiting till...like, after I graduate from High School"
"You're waiting until AFTER you graduate High School?" arching brow
"Yep" confident nod of head
"Can I get that in writing perhaps, because I think a girl is gonna wanna kiss you long before that"
"Well I am not going to want to kiss her!" he states confidently.

BWAAA goodness.....kids are fun! Go get yourself some..

Penny on the Block!

2006-05-11T12:50:00.000-05:00

I know I'm going to get it in the arse for this one..but whatever.

I live in a suburb just south of Washington D.C.
The original houses were all built in the 40's. Something around here affectionately called "Post WWII boom housing" they are built sturdy as hell, but for a family of considerably lower maintenance than todays (meaning at MAX two bathrooms)
The yard sizes are all willy nilly, with one of my neighbors having a postage stamp sized lawn, while another has a 1/2 acre (like me)
Anyway, my neighborhood for several years now has been a nice neighborhood sandwiched between two increasingly bad neighborhoods.
In these bad neighborhoods there is a predominately Latino population.
Including ones of the biggest representations of the beloved MS13 from El Salvador (yes the ones who hack up their enemies with Machetes)

And frankly I have always thought it wonderful my son goes to a school where there isnt a cultural whiteout, that he learns tolerance and appreciation of all races, creeds, colors and religions, Vincents first "girlfriend" was a chinese orphan with lesbians as parents..rock on!
I constantly rib my brother in Wisconsin that the only his kids see anyone who is not as white as white can be white is on TV.

Well, Penny aint so zen about it any more.

Theres a new phenom in town and I am not happy.

Frankly my hood is turning into a scary assed place and I dont like it.

Small slab ramblers are being sold/bought, promptly gutted down to one wall, and then these ugly McMansions are being thrown up, and two or three latino families are shacking up together.

No lawn mowing is occuring, no house maintence at all. In fact sheets are the currently curtain of choice. But no matter what there's a "Dish" or two stuck somewhere in the yard.
GOD FREAKIN FORBID YOU MISS "EL FOOTBALL" TO MAYBE MOW YOUR FREAKIN LAWN!!!!
But then how can they mow...when their cars are parked ON their front lawns??

I walk my dogs in the evening (and thank you god they give a WIDE berth when I've got Brutus on the line)and curse these dillweeds vehemently under my breath.
I no longer live in a nice friendly neighborhood.
Car vandalizations are rampant, as are muggings and even a MURDER? what the hell is that?
My brother keeps attempting to get me to move to Pissconsin, but I dont see that being the answer either.

There, a nice politically incorrect rant from Penny.

Forgive my intolerance, even I am not perfect.

Sometimes you just wanna scream

2006-05-10T10:35:00.000-05:00

I have spent the entire morning modifying a server list of about 5 thousand records. And then pffft the power went out. Yes I saved a good portion of it, but still. I have to redo the other brainfrying portion..

Happy Happy Joy Joy..Happy Happy Joy.

Well that's why it's called a personal life.

2006-05-09T07:51:00.000-05:00

This past weekend a friend who reads my blog asked me why I never talk about my dating/love life on here. I figured there are enough women who fancy themselves "Bridget Jones" on the freakin internet already. Besides why on earth would someone be interested?

Fine. I cave to pressure.

I'll keep it brief. Yes I have a person I see with regularity.
He is currently a Combat Medic in the Army.
He is very good to me, and claims to like me quite alot.
He is also very intelligent, and absolutely adorable.
And harking back to a blog of many moons ago... I am absolutely certain that I could not take him in a fight (not that the event would ever arise to test this theory)

Nosey buggers...are you happy now?

Wait is my blog about my life? Or is my life about my blog??

2006-05-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

You know your blogging is getting out of hand when you have a conversation with a friend on the telephone about your blogs..and the comments you have left on each others blogs.
Clearly I need an intervention..

Maybe he can take up cross stitch..

2006-05-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

I, as luck (snort) would have it..happen to work within sneezing distance of the US Federal Courthouse...
Yes THAT courthouse...where Zacarias Moussaoui is/was being tried

This has bunged up traffic to a point that is almost inexplicable..not to mention security as been tighter than a *ahem*

I have become accustomed to seeing federal marshals with assault weapons on the roof of my parking garage..and looking out the window during a meeting and watching my car get sniffed by a bomb dog..stranger still.

Well today they read the verdict.
Life in prison..no chance of parole.
And..that is that.

L i f e i n p r i s o n, no chance of parole...sentencing next week.

Because I'm unoriginal..

2006-05-01T16:03:00.000-05:00

I took this test on Melanie's Blog.

And I'm too lazy to come up with my own topic today..so I nicked hers.

Thank you Melanie!

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

A Semi-Formal Apology

2006-04-28T09:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Garbage..person,

On behalf of my family...(and my neighbor) I would like to apologize for this mornings trash can of deathly stench.

While there were (obviously) many things I did not take into consideration when I decided to add another creature to the humble abode..

The prodigious amount of animal waste would be at the top of the heap (oy)

Between the mastiff, the puppy and the cat...we could fertilize the Mall (the one with the Monuments..not the stores)

I do sincerely apologize.

Especially since when I dropped a(nother) bag of goodies into the can last night I discovered my more-than-mildly incontinent neighbor also choose Friday as the day to toss in her " weekly bags of trash" as well. (she's old and cheap, so we share trash expenses)
The smell almost knocked me off my feet..prompting Vin who was a good twenty feet away to scream "Mom, what is that stink?"

You surely must have cursed me heartily this morning...again.

You are an underappreciated godly like person, and I do not blame you for shoving my trashcan into the holly shrub..so that I get as scratched up as an old Lynyrd Skynyrd Album when I attempt to retrieve it.

May your weekend be free of offensive odors..

Thank you,
P.D.

Todays appreciative SWAG

2006-04-27T13:44:00.000-05:00

Today was our Health and Wellness fair.

Which as far as I could tell consisted soley to show us how unhealthy we are.

For FREE they:
Tested our cholesterol, our BMI (thats Body Mass Index), and our blood pressure.

And conducted a Dermavue skin analysis (shows you the UV damage to your skin)

Not to mention representives from Weight Watchers....and COPE (an employee mental health provider)

I'm sorry? So they show their appreciation by telling us we're stressed, fat, sun damaged, mental...AND we have high blood pressure?

How inspiring...

I of course partook in none of this.

I waltzed in, grabbed my free gift (a nifty blue Nalgene bottle) and breezed right back out again.

I am now at my desk eating Gummi Bears...and drinking Diet Coke.

A woman in my department won the "Weight Watchers" tote bag, she almost cried she was so happy..... at least they were smart enough to just bring it down to her..and not send out a company wide e-mail alerting us that she was the lucky weiner.

I snuck a few male co-workers names into the drawing...but no dice.

Fate is not my friend today.

I am an appreciated employee

2006-04-26T10:18:00.000-05:00

Ths being Wednesday, I am midweek of what is my place of enslavement's "employee appreciation week"
Monday we had a continental breakfast whilst our beloved president gave a short inspirational speech where he managed to mispronounce our HR Directors name, and introduce our new Executive Vice President, a personal croney..who has recently come to us from....George Bush's cabinet!
We also enjoyed a rousing game of e-mail bingo throughout the day..

Yesterday...found us donning our "hard hats" for an inspiration field trip and short bus ride (and you can read that either way... either short..bus ride...or short bus...ride, both would be fitting) to the site of our future new office...smack dab in the middle of Arlington Virginia...joyous exhaltations of trafficky goodness! (we had received a lovely packed lunch we could either eat on the bus, or indulge in it's deliciousness at our desks)

Today...we will be having a "Margaritas and Milkshakes with Motivational Speaker" from 3-5pm.

As for the delightful appreciative swag we have received thus far? In addition to the lovely hard hat we got to keep for ourverysleves, we have received lunch bags with our company logo..and a t-shirt with same company logo.

Tomorrow we have a health and wellness fair, with a special "fun-walk" throughout the day.

It is so very lovely being appreciated.

Redneck by association..National Rifle Association that is..

2006-04-24T13:58:00.000-05:00

In my efficiency hut at my place of enslavement I have a bulletin board that I stick random and conversationally akward things on (not actual work mind you..that would just be silly)
Recently I posted a picture of my brother in full redneck mode kneeling in front of a deer he had hunted down and slaughtered last fall in the wilds of Wisconsin..it's blood dramatic against the snow in front of him. (I actually have it posted because it's a 16 point buck with a drop tine, which is rather unique)
Some people react rather amusingly to this, you can tell they're moderately repulsed, but dont want to actually SAY anything for fear I might try to stuff them and hang them on my wall.
I myself do not hunt. Don't have the inclination. My father attempted to take me hunting on my youth, didn't take. I dont like shooting live things..targets..yep, and I'm a great shot as well. But I dont jones on taking life, it messes with my karma.
But since hunting is beyond a religion in my family..it's actually a career for one member of my "clan" I just keep my trap shut and roll with it (besides, who knows when the ability to clean and gut a dear will come in handy..eh? Not to mention the lifetime membership in the NRA, which was a gift from my father when I turned 18....hoooah)

Anyway, back to the picture. My brother and I dont look a thing alike...aside from both being gorgeous that is...actually to be shocking my brother is even better looking than I.
I am told he looks like Johnny Depp...only less scrungy
I of course am far superior in intellect.
But where I am short..er.. pale and blonde with dark eyes, he is tall, swarthy(what a great word)with dark hair and gold/green eyes..
Maybe thats why physical beauty doesn't turn my brain to mush, I'm used to it...my entire family is gorgeous...

Anyway a person wandered into my hut today..and upon seeing said photo asked me if he was single (at least she didnt ask me if he was was boyfriend, which HAS happened and is just icky)
and then told me she thought the picture was inflammatory.

Exactly.